socionics

I've just been thinking about life recently. Like the way we act, the way I act, and what I actually think, and want. 
There are several reasons why I've been thinking about this. One of them being this girl on my floor who is into socionics. You know, the whole personality type mumbo-jumbo. On the one side it seems complete crap, but on the other side, it kinda isn't. Like I think pretty much anyone I've taken the silly tests, and they'd always come out with me being a logical sensory introvert, these types tend to be perceptive. Makes sense, right? I don't open up easily, I trust logic over feelings, and in life I rely on experience to maneuver though interactions, furthermore I'm more of an information gathering type. I was well satisfied with that. 
Then that aforementioned friend decided to type me. Well, guess what folks? She's got me pegged as a sensory ethical extrovert, and these are judging. Ok, so sensory stays, but that's the only thing. Apparently I'm extroverted, meaning I easily talk about myself in unfamiliar company. And you know, I actually do. I talk easily. I talk a lot really, but it's usually idle chit chat about stuff I don't care about, or things I don't care about anymore. Basically I talk a lot about the past. It's all I ever talk about. I never really talk about NOW, and the important things. and even if I ever do get into some touchy area, I always stay vague. Maybe those who know me better can guess at what I'm not telling them, and sometimes I like to think they do, but I'm doubtful. I guess I just don't trust people with myself. Is that a bad thing? Next: Ethical as opposed to Logical. That actually makes a lot of sense, especially recently. I'm nothing else of not polite. At least to people I don't know well, or I'm not friends with. It keeps things pleasant and simple, even though I might actually be on the verge of tearing someone's head off because they are annoying the hell out of me, I'll still smile politely and pretend that everything's great. Then after a while I'll find a convenient excuse to go somewhere else, and escape the torture.  So what now? I'm both? but that can't be right. I don't get it. It's like I appear one way (or I want to), but I'm completely different. I guess I know why everything happened this way. It's the moving. I mean how are you supposed to let people in if you know that you'll be gone sooner or later anyways, and none of the people who seem to care so much now, will just fade into this mass of faces that you can barely remember. 
If I think back, I was the most unhappy at the end of living in Dresden and the beginning of State College. Although it wasn't unhappiness per se. It was more like lack of everything, at least it was in Dresden. You see, the last year or so I spent in this sort of limbo, where I didn't know In which country I'd be 2 months from now. I couldn't say bye, and I kinda got stuck emotionally. It got to a point where I stopped looking for cars when crossing the street. I didn't care if I would get hit. I kinda hoped I would, the I could skip school for a while, but I couldn't bring myself to care about much of anything really. I guess it was a bit of a strange state of mind. I don't really understand it anymore. Then we finally moved to State College. I was so angry! There are no words to describe that. I wanted to have nothing to do with anyone. I hated everything! Everyone! I was so angry that every day before I would enter the apartment I would stop for just a second, and make myself smile, so my mom wouldn't see that I never smiled for myself anymore...
See that's another thing about me. I always smile and laugh with others. But often times, as soon as everyone goes away the smile melts away as if it's never been. I wonder if anyone else ever does that...
anyways, I completely forgot what my point was when I started writing this, so I'm just going to stop rambling now =))
toodles!