As far back as I can remember I really liked to sing. I knew every single kids song by heart, and sung them all the time. I had song books, and CDs with kids songs to which I would sing. Then I stared going to school in Dresden, and there we had this horrible music teacher. He was in his 40s divorced and had a failed music career behind him as a flutist, which is why he started teaching. He wore leather pants and made tons of painful music jokes that we counted, because the lessons were so excruciatingly boring otherwise. He also made us sing in front of the entire class twice a year. Each person got their solo performance, and I'm sure you can imagine how terrified a 7th grader is of singing in front of your friends, and getting graded based on how good you were. With his policy he managed to make everyone hate him and music. Also, he convinced me that I really really suck at singing. Since then I only ever sing when I know that no one's listening, so as to not embarrass myself and spare the delicate auditory apparatus of everyone around me. Well, since then some of my more musical friends ave told me that I sing well, and that I've got good hearing. but i tend not to believe them. But it also makes me very sad that my dad is way too much of a scientist. You see, when I was little, he didn't want me to learn an instrument, because apparently it's pointless. I've actually always wanted to learn to play some instrument. It doesn't really matter which, I guess. But as I get older, it seems a progressively unlikely thing. I guess my only chance is that when I'm standing on my own feet, earning my own money, and living by myself, I'll be free of his oppressive presence, and I'll start to do the things that he kept me from doing.
On that note, I actually suspect that he thinks I'm like him. I think like him, and want the same things. Basically he thinks I wish to go into science professionally, and work with him. He keeps trying to pull me towards that, and I don't think that's either fair, or right. It's like he's got me confused with a younger female version of himself, if that makes sense. But it's really just delusion on his part. I'm interested in far more things than molecules and quantum mechanics, and I don't think I'd be able to live the way he does, with his calculations being his one and only ambition. I need to be able to draw, and write, and take photos, and write, and be with people. He seems to do none of that. The only time I've heard him speak of other people was when he was saying how good or bad a scientist that individual was. Or how some bureaucrat made his life difficult, because he and the government are idiots... It's kind of sad when you think about it. and I don't want that to be my life.It's also kind of funny how most of my life my mom has been trying to teach me not to listen to my dad. It's usually the other way around, isn't it? I guess the fact that I turned out t least half way normal is because of my mom. Now that she's been away in the US for the third year now, I'm starting to understand that I've severely under-appreciated her for most of my life. I'm really sorry for that. I wish she'd come back...
On and end note: it's finally spring! look at the pretty rocks =) (Also I think I'll try putting more pictures up here, but I'm not making any definite promises)
